The Chuckle

Posted by admin on January 9th, 2012
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
  • Sharebar

I was at my house with my two friends, Josh and Sam. We were planning on staying up all night. So when Rick yawned and began to lie down on the sofa, I decided it was time to play our favorite game: Hide and go seek in the dark. We would head down onto the first floor of my house, which was underground. It was freezing cold, wide open, and if you turned off all the lights you couldn’t see a thing. The best part of this game that we played was the fact that we would try to scare each other. We would make as many creepy noises as we could. We tried to scare each other. How stupid we used to be.

It was my turn to find them. I went upstairs to count to sixty, when I noticed that there was a silhouette in the window behind me. Silhouette’s always creeped the hell out of me, so after I calmed down enough to think logically, I took a closer look at what it was. It was in a human looking shape, except it was skinnier than any grown human should be. It was bald and tall. When I looked close enough, I could have sworn it had tentacle-like moving arms. I had many trees in my front yard, and a very paranoid and overactive imagination as a child, so I thought nothing of this strange figure. I turned around and went downstairs. I turned out the lights and began searching. There was the standard roaring noise that they did, not scary in the slightest. Then there was a deep chuckle. It sent shivers down my spine. I instantly felt like giving up. I didn’t want to seem like a coward though. Plus, they would just make that same noise every single time and I would lose right away! I didn’t want that. I just continued searching and hoped that they wouldn’t make the chuckle again.

They made a low growl, which didn’t scare me much. It was obviously Sam. Then Josh did his idiotic high pitched giggle that didn’t scare me as much as it did…give me other feelings. Sam and Josh both yelled like insane people, which was a bit shocking out first, but I got used to it after the first three seconds. Then there was the chuckle. I felt like pulling my own hair out. I felt like I was being watched. I felt like I was blind, deep in the horrifying unknown. Then I realized that I was blind in the horrifying unknown. I began walking towards the light switch, finally ready to give up, when I heard movement from the corner of the room that I just walked by. I ran towards them. You had to tag them before you could say you found them. I moved around for a bit, arms outstretched, when from the very opposite side of the room Josh began talking.

“Allan?” he said. which means that Rick was here. Rick was usually the easier one to find, I thought smugly as I continued looking around.

“Are you okay?” Said Rick, from the same direction Josh was in.

From directly in front of me, there were footsteps growing closer. There was a deep chuckle.

-Credited to Allan Maxson

31 Responses to “The Chuckle

Injin

I liked this one. I’ve heard of people playing hide and seek as a children and having similar experiences.

Comment by Injin on January 2, 2012 at 7:44 pm
cuteinsanity

I liked it too. Hide and Seek has always been a bit of a game of terror in my life, so intentionally trying to scare each other is always good. A bit short for my taste, which is weird because I love short pasta, but it just felt like the should be more. It didn’t feel rushed and the pace was good, and I know I can’t think of anything that if added would have been any decent filler, but it just seemed too short. weird.

Comment by cuteinsanity on January 4, 2012 at 3:32 am
vanity

Clean it up a bit and flesh it out some and we’ll have a winner.

Slendy’s legend continues, and I for one wholeheartedly approve. :)

Comment by vanity on January 5, 2012 at 1:42 am
SCP-173

This was a good story for being this short although I felt like it could have had a better ending. 7.5/10

Comment by SCP-173 on January 5, 2012 at 4:25 am
Bluehands15

Ahhhh. It’s been a while since I’ve read a Slenderman pasta. Lovely!

Comment by Bluehands15 on January 5, 2012 at 3:10 pm
S.J.H.

I like this a lot, but I’m kind of confused about how many guys were there. The narrator mentions himself, Josh, and Sam in the first sentence, then suddenly someone named Rick shows up as well. If there are three boys besides the narrator (Josh, Rick, and Sam), the first sentence should say three friends, not two. Other than that confusion, this is a great Slender Man fiction.

Comment by S.J.H. on January 5, 2012 at 8:36 pm
AstroZombie

Am I the only one who is sick of Slender Man?
As for the story, nothing new, I’ve read a few similar ones.
The previously mentioned character issue bothered me, and the ending left a lot to be desired.
Overall, I give it a 5 out of 10.

Comment by AstroZombie on January 6, 2012 at 6:31 am
UnOrIqInal

There were a few things I didn’t like about this story:
1. I, like S.J.H, I was confused as to how many kids there were playing.
2. This story didn’t really have anything that kept me reading. I just wanted to get it over with, I wasn’t even excited to read it or find out what happens at the end. There was very little build up and it was a dry pasta over all.
3. The ending was kind of okay, but it could have been worded a little bit better and maybe a few more details should have been added.

But I do like the plot as a whole, I adore slender man stories and hide and seek related stories.

I’d say a maybe a 2 or 3 out of five 5.

Comment by UnOrIqInal on January 7, 2012 at 12:03 am
Kerhwin

S.J.H & AstroZombie: Don’t be so naive, that is not a flaw. Clearly, this “Rick” fellow was not one of his friends. It was obviously implied that he was some kind of higher authority, probably the kids parent, as they waited until they were going to sleep to play the game. Why on earth would they wait until one of four friends were asleep to play the game? That’s just ridiculous.

Comment by Kerhwin on January 7, 2012 at 3:53 am
Tabitha

@AstroZombie
I agree, Slender Man is getting kind of old. They are fun, and there is nothing wrong with this one in particular, but I am getting bored with it.

Comment by Tabitha on January 7, 2012 at 5:15 am
S.J.H.

@Kerhwin: It never said that Rick went to sleep; it said that he yawned and laid down on the couch. I assumed that since the narrator had mentioned wanting to stay up all night, he’d decided that the game would be a good way to buck Rick up.

Also Rick is mentioned playing the game later, when he says, “Are you okay?”. So no, Rick wasn’t a “higher authority.”

Comment by S.J.H. on January 9, 2012 at 8:03 pm
imweighting

What kind of feelings does a high pitched giggle give someone?

Comment by imweighting on January 10, 2012 at 8:53 pm
Slender Man

I remember this. They are now gone.

Comment by Slender Man on January 11, 2012 at 12:35 am
Adam

sounds like slenderman to me

Comment by Adam on January 11, 2012 at 8:42 pm
Liv

Slenderman has freaked me out for a long time, so this was freaky to me.

Comment by Liv on January 12, 2012 at 2:13 am
DragonJTS

Another issue with the number of friends: The narrator was closing in on someone, when Josh revealed himself, so the narrator assumed Rick was in front of him. Then Rick revealed he was next to Josh, and it was implied the person the narrator had found was slenderman. But Sam’s location hadn’t been revealed, so really, it was Sam he found, and “slenderman” really was a tree

Comment by DragonJTS on January 12, 2012 at 8:15 pm
mike

I’m with Unoriginal, except 1 out of 5. Execution is so poor, unscary, and sometimes confusing that this is either a first draft or food for the slush pile. Should have been worked on a LOT more before it was posted.

Comment by mike on January 13, 2012 at 6:47 am
Anonymous

After reading: The best part of this game that we played was the fact that we would try to scare each other. We would make as many creepy noises as we could. We tried to scare each other., I didn’t even bother finish the rest of the story. Little mistakes like that can really turn someone away from something.

Comment by Anonymous on January 16, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Anonymous

*bother finishing ^
Well that was ironic.

Comment by Anonymous on January 16, 2012 at 5:08 pm
Fidum

I had a similar experience only we were adults and using some cheep night vision goggles and we had to find each other in a basement filled with random crap. I swore that I would see something move around a corner where nobody was.

Comment by Fidum on January 17, 2012 at 9:05 pm
Superfridge

Was okay, it could have been creepier, “I thought smugly” so he was terrified to smug and finding his friends?
It was creepy by the chuckle and the yelling like madmen, but something should have happened with the creature and kids in order for it to be more scary.

Comment by Superfridge on January 18, 2012 at 6:27 pm
Yoshi

This was creepy! Even now, my friends and I play hide and seek in the dark and I forever feel weirded out!! Too many weird vibes and now this story to make my turn scarier!

Comment by Yoshi on January 21, 2012 at 2:06 am
me

I thought this was very creepy. The idea of something lurking in the dark, that deep chuckle. sent chills up my spine. I really enjoy stories that have a more realistic setting and characters and some sort of unknown. And no real conclusion that leaves the ending up to the reader’s imagination is even better for a story like this. I know how I’d react if I were in the situation. I love that this story allows you to really scare yourself.

Comment by me on January 22, 2012 at 3:31 am
DeepChuckle

Wait, so he was turned on by his friend’s high-pitched giggle?

Anyways, it’s a decent pasta. Nothing amazing but it wasn’t a total waste of time.

Comment by DeepChuckle on January 22, 2012 at 6:25 pm
SlenderMuff

Ah yes. Slender Man’s legend lives on. :)

Comment by SlenderMuff on January 24, 2012 at 5:10 am
Count Monty

Slenderman doesn’t chuckle. HE HAS NO MOUTH. That just ruined it for me.

Comment by Count Monty on February 14, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Dahlia

I think that really the most plausible reason for the name change is the author decided to change the name part way through, and forgot to change the first one.

Comment by Dahlia on February 16, 2012 at 3:00 am
DAYMAN-FONM

DragonJTS said it best.

If Rick and Josh were mentioned as being on the opposite side of the room, then why is it implied that the person the main character (Allan) is approaching, HAS to be some kind of evil force? Where is Sam?

Comment by DAYMAN-FONM on February 17, 2012 at 2:40 am
Seamus

@Count Monty If it really bugged you, or prevented you from reading it, think of it like this; the chuckle emanated deep from the confines of SlenderMan’s hollow chest. Sufficiently creepy?

Comment by Seamus on February 18, 2012 at 2:51 am
TrailMix

Ah, a good Slenderman Creepypasta, Slenderman has always freaked me out.

Comment by TrailMix on April 12, 2012 at 10:40 pm
StarSailor

I think, this was terrible. “I was at my house with my friends Josh and Sam…then there’s Rick and something about a couch”. Okay, so who is Rick and where did he come from? And so it was a creature with tentacle arms…oh, scary! Not. It didn’t sound very slenderman-y. Crap. Wtf. 1/5.

Comment by StarSailor on April 26, 2012 at 10:56 pm
Leave a Comment

(required)
Use the [spoiler][/spoiler] tags accordingly!